Oh ! What a beautiful morning ... (I'm Home !)

I am home, and how wonderful it is to be Home; the sky is blue, the rain drops are sparkling on the bushes outside the window. The leaves have blown off the trees so I can see the far hills' horizons outside both bedroom windows, either side of the river valley. Without the leaves I was able to watch a Lesser Spotted Woodpecker climb along the Big Tree's branches upside down.

How wonderful it is to return to proper Earl Grey tea in one's own china mug, but I wish I had one of these which would say it all for me. What follows is not for the faint hearted, it is primarily to record it for me.

I remember coming round from the anaesthetic saying: Is it gone ? Yes ? Magic ! I do hope the neuro surgeon did not take offence at that seeming dismissal of her expertise and skill in removing a quite large skull osteoma and a baby one adjacent. Quite a lot is still numb, quite a lot is not and boy does it hurt ! The top of my head must have been given a week's supply of anaesthetic because I cannot feel my scalp; perhaps the medics were being kind and gave me an extra injection, to see me through the next few days. I have to brush my hair looking in the mirror because I cannot feel what I am doing. But I can feel the pain of a tight clamp around my head, and feel the weight of a heavy skull cap of immovable clay (this is an imaginative not literal description) and it is sore ... AND I have a headache, and my head hurts, and all those different things are happening all together.

Incredibly, I had a whole day without tinnitus. Without the high pitched screech that always accompanies me, somewhere off the top left of my head. Without the loud white noise in both ears. A whole day without the feeling of fullness and pulsing in my right ear - imagine a large sea shell glued to your ear and that whooshing turned up to full volume. I had a day when (I thought) I could think straight without all that noise. It was nice while it lasted. Not quite a cure for tinnitus, but for a day I could imagine it might be. Maybe there is something in DIY trepanning after all!

I remember coming round from the general anaesthetic shivering with cold and then gulping down oxygen as if I had a raging thirst for it. An hour with an oxygen mask must have helped somehow, because I felt wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed the electric hospital bed, infinitely adjustable under my shoulders, head and knees. I would like one at home please.

Back home reality, and the swelling, hits. I have a huge swollen
forehead bulging out, two black eyes, and bruises along my cheek bones. I have staples standing out from my skin, holding my skin to my skull, so that my forehead's skin isn't pulled down my face by all the swelling - well, that is my explanation - the staples are like a little fence running along the top of my forehead along the hair line all the way from one side of my forehead to the other - I am not going out for at least a month ! Or two or three or four (aarrgh, don't panic Sally, don't panic). I have the hair re-style, now all I need is the outfit to go with it, and a time machine, and I would not look so out of place back in the 12th century.

I am too tired for any 'work' or visitors, except staff (yes, home helps and PAs are wonderful, I could not manage any of this without them), and my 'Bump' - the one I gave birth to twenty eight years ago. So this is going to be a bit of a holiday. The stair lift man came and fixed it yesterday, asking me through the door (I cannot be seen, I am too too frightening!) did I want it to go a bit faster ? Yes please ! Result.

I have lots and lots of lovely drugs so I am feeling distanced from all the tingling throbbing pulsing aching stuff I can still feel. My GP is ringing me daily, bless her. I feel well looked after.

I am so, so glad I did not know it was going to be like this beforehand. I am so glad my training and working life was in employment law, counselling and local government, rather than medical stuff, because I really did not know what I was letting myself in for. Ah well, its over now. Thanks to my guardian angel, friends and bloggers for all the positive vibes and cards and messages of support.