Sunday, 31 December 2006

Oh No He Didn't - Oh Yes He Did !

Its Pantomime Season and Silly Sally Productions Inc brings you 'St Sally and the Dragon', a Pantomime in two acts, with no Pantomime Horses whatsoever.

Dramatis Persona:
St Sally - a formerly formidable lady; now tired, silver haired, plump
The Home Help - a nimble Dorset lass of middling years
IBM Call Centre Help Line Holiday Fill In - A young man of strange accent
and little brain, attached to a computer screen.
Lady at IBM Sales department

Act One: In Which St Sally fights the IBM Dragon

Scene One:
A Humble Cottage in Dorset, lit by the fairy lights on a small Christmas tree jammed between two filing cabinets, a bookcase and a disability trolley. Offstage can be heard the Home Help, attacking the laundry with much clattering of iron against steel and plastic buttons. St Sally is slumped in a reclining chair, clutching a telephone handset with wires to a headset with which she is conversing:

Young Man holiday fill in at IBM parts department: "Oh No He Didn't"
St Sally: "Oh Yes He Did".

Curtain closes.

Scene Two: As above.

St Sally: "IBM offered for sale an IBM wireless card for my IBM laptop that your colleague described as New, hence the £250 price tag and stated the part the IBM dealer previously quoted for at £70 must have been for a used part, which could have caused the vibration problem, which has resulted in IBM replacing the fan, and are soon to be replacing the hard drive under the extended warranty. Your colleague described the IBM wireless card for sale via the link to the IBM website that he sent me, as a new part, guaranteed for one year, and complete with printed handbook, software CD and quick set up guide.

Off stage can be heard the refrain: Oh No He Didn't

From the balcony, the chorus replies: Oh Yes He Did.

St Sally continues: "That is why I paid you £250. What I have today received through the post is a 'Serviceable Used Part' with no CD, book or guide, and with only a 90 day limited warranty. That is not what I purchased. I could have got a second hand used part for £70. "

IBM man: "Madam, our terms and conditions of sale state that we may at our discretion offer a serviceable used part. You can download the instruction book if you need to and the software driver is available at ...

St Sally intervenes: "I purchased from IBM the wireless card as described by IBM. New. Guaranteed for 1 year. With all the bits in the box. I paid for it over the phone to your Sales Department. Yes, your confirmation of my purchase has an attachment which I now see has small print describing your terms and conditions of sale. They are not the same terms that I accepted, they are not the terms on which my purchase from IBM was based. You cannot change the terms of the contract AFTER I have accepted your offer to sell. Have you not heard of the Sale of Goods Act !"

IBM man: "Erm...."

Curtain closes.

Act Two: In which the lady at IBM shows intelligence and comprehension.

Scene One: Later the same day, same cottage, same room, same chair, same problem. Ironing is finished and Home Help has left. All is relatively quiet, so St Sally is able to think. Resignedly, she picks up the phone, drops it into the waste paper basket again, as the wires tangle themselves round the reclining chair lever. She sighs heavily as she fishes it out, for the umpteenth time that day, and plugs the wire back in and sets the headset tenderly over her numbskull (strike out - replace with - carefully over her tender skull (another story a different day).

St Sally: "I purchased from you a wireless card .... (copy from above)..."

Lady at IBM: "That does not sound right. He should not have said that. Seems he gave you wrong information. I am very sorry. I will get onto customer services and try and sort this out for you, but I am sorry I cannot do much until after the holiday. I will phone you in the New Year just as soon as I have an answer for you.

St Sally: " Thank you, that is very helpful."

Curtain closes on Sally slowly levering herself out of her reclining chair. She can be heard knocking the tree over as she leaves the room searching for more tea.


Blogger BloggingMone said...

What a drama!

Monday, 1 January 2007 at 17:17:00 GMT  

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