What A Pain - but don't PANIC just yet Sally

Well it is almost nine months since my skull surgery to remove the two benign frontal osteomas, and the scar has recovered very nicely from the 39 (?) staples holding the skin together while it healed. Even my silly little fringe (a mixture of silver, light brown and white - without any help from the hairdresser's chemicals) is looking almost respectable, as if I might have, in a mad moment, decided a fringe was a good idea.

So WTF is growing on my skull now ?????? A small lump, that was not there three weeks ago, that is bigger today than it was a week ago, as long as the top joint of my middle finger and as wide. And my head is a bit painful and tense, but that could be tense as in worrying about it.

Lovely GP doctor this morning: what do you think it is Sally ?
Sally: I don't KNOW ! but I am very shaky about it. What do you think it is ?
GP: I don't know. I'll ring Southampton (Wessex Neurology Centre).
Southampton Neurology: Yes I remember Ms Sally, can she come in on Thursday and we will have a look.

Oh Yes Please, the Sooner The Better. Not panicking just yet.

(whispers to self: oh shit !)

OM ... OM ... OM ...

meditatinginwalesdotnet

Weak title, I know, to introduce the Local Government OMbudsman, but you know how it is when you have been praying, keeping your fingers and toes crossed, wishing, saying little spells, even meditating (OM OM OM) and touching your favourite bit of lucky wood, and then it comes right, it happens and you think, crikey, which little superstition actually worked this time !

None of them. Just the Universe turning and the System working. And just a little smidge, a light sprinkling of fairy dust.

ancientworldsdotnet

Way way back in April I finally plucked up courage to ask the LGO to investigate Dorset social services delay in providing wheelchair access into and around my home, first discussed with my social services Occupational Therapist in 2002 and formally requested in 2003.

An LGO Investigator came to see me in June and yesterday he emailed me to confirm that:

" ... On behalf of the Local Government Ombudsman, I am investigating your complaint.

That, since March 2003, the Council has delayed adaptations to your home. ... ... ... As a result, ... ... ... . You have also suffered stress (exacerbating your health problems), financial loss, a limited social life and have fallen in your home."

(I have thought long and hard on whether to blog it here, as I don't think I am entirely anonymous anymore, and even though the Ombudsman's findings when published, will be in the public domain for anyone to read, the Complainant is not identified. However, blogging is an essential part of my support system, and I need to put it out here. It is what is happening to me.)

The Investigator goes on to summarise my complaint, which is lengthy, and not noted here because DCC have yet to answer my complaint, and until the Ombudsman makes his decision on their response, they are innocent until proven guilty, except this is not a process in a court of law so there is no criminal or civil case being investigated. Just an 'Ombudsmanial' process. I don't know what the proper word for it is either.

What decided me to contact the Local Government Ombudsman is that the LGO can DIRECT a local authority how to put right their systems so that they are acting correctly in their procedures, systems and in arriving at their decisions. So not only can the LGO tell a local authority what to do to put right an individual's complaint, and order compensation to be paid to the complainant if appropriate, but also the fact of a complaint being made through the LGO ensures that the local authority has to change its bad practices, which will benefit other service users.

In the bigger picture, I am hoping that the Director of Dorset social services is able to use the LGO's directions (whatever they may be) to ensure the social services directorate has its necessary share of the County budget (from central government) to fulfil its statutory duties under the 'Fair Access to Care' criteria and the central government guidance on 'Providing Housing Adaptations for Disabled People' .

So, having got to this stage in the process, I am bursting to celebrate, but its early days yet.

And finally the Company converting the VW Caddy into my Wheelchair Accessible Vehicle have restored my faith in them, sorted out the adaptations specification with Motability, which I have confirmed I am happy with, and they have given me a delivery date for next week, and I even know the registration number so I know it really really now exists and is mine, all mine. I will soon be able to wave from my WAV !

brotherwooddotcodotuk

And, no, I don't need them to provide a man to push me - this is one of those occasions when all that is needed are batteries ! And a powerchair with a small turning circle to fit in my small cottage, part-funded by the N.H.S., topped up with donations begged from charities, for delivery when the adaptations for wheelchair access are, finally, in place. Five years on, and counting.

Pride Quantum 600 - geraldsimondsdotcodotuk

Any questions on LGO, grants for adaptations, or equipment, please comment, or email me in confidence.

8 Random Facts - a Double Whammied Meme

Thanks to Goldfish and Cusp for tagging me to talk all about myself, again. Last time it was only 5 Random Things about me .. I have no problem finding another 8 .. but following the rules is a bit tricky. Memes, I think, are about expanding the blogging universe but, as I said to Cusp only the other day, sometimes I only have enough rocket fuel to keep going round in circles. And very nice circles they are too ... anyway enough chat, here are THE RULES OF THE MEME:

1 Let others know who tagged you ~ Tick
2 Players start with 8 Random Facts about themselves ~ Tick
3 Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 Random Facts ~ see below
4 Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged ~ see below


Years ago during psychodynamic training, I went through a brief period when I was precognitive about things that would happen to me, once I had de-coded the dreams' specifics.
Jung was essential to get me through it.
I was never actually spooked by it, but was relieved to be back in a more random ordinary scheme of things when it came to an end.

Carl Gustav Jung



Through marriage (dissolved) there is an ancestor who was an early coloniser in North America.
The colony was not a success at the time, the settlers faring little better than the silk worms, and little remains today other than a small memorial there and a bigger one in his home town. However, the gentleman in question was generally thought of as the best of an arguably bad bunch and he did not knowingly oversell the scheme to potential Swiss and English settlers.




My paternal great grandfather was Coxswain of the Hartlepool lifeboat and was awarded the Silver Medal for bravery following a rescue in 1907.

This picture of the Hartlepool Lifeboat crew 1924 is from http://www.hartlepool-lifeboat.org.uk/




I mentioned this Devil's Toe Nail in a previous blog.
Goldfish's Whitby Jet inspired this:
I have a collection of stones found over the last fifty three years: a sling shot (used against Vespasian's invasion AD.53) and geodes (which are the same thing) and what I like to think is a stone age scraper (to turn animal skins into rugs and things) small and black, with one sharp flint like edge and its shape worn smooth with indents that fit the index finger and opposable thumb perfectly; a green stone banded with white marble from Rethymnon beach to keep a piece of Crete with me, and a small piece of natural green glass from a meteorite strike which caused fusion with natural silica. Space Glass !


I really really NEED to have open space around me, ever since I can remember. The times I have felt most restricted were when living in urban surroundings. Even when a child living in a small terrace house I could go up into the attic and climb up to look through the small window over surrounding roofs to fields beyond. When my family moved to a street on the summit of a hill there was nothing beyond, just a vast worked-out sand quarry that was devoid of machinery, the home of hundreds of sand martins and open to all, but seemed to belong to me a school friend Dennis and his Jack Russell terrier Tess. This lovely painting can be found at http://www.colemangallery.com/


I once dined with a Lord Mayor of London (along with a hundred or so other diners), in a beautiful ballroom with a string chamber orchestra in the gallery, surrounded by the Lely portraits of King Charles and the Royal Family.

I was far more impressed by the paintings than by His Worship.



I think I may have been a monk (not a nun) in a scriptorium in a former life. Soon after a performance of Murder in the Cathedral (in which I had sung tenor in the monks' quire, chanting Latin in the vestry of the church where it was staged), I visited Winchester Cathedral and, finding myself in the scriptorium, verified this for myself. Or dreamed it.


The Pilgrims' Steps, Winchester Cathedral.
http://www.winchester-cathedral.org.uk/




I like wood. My book shelves, bed, internal doors, coffee table, book stand, occasional (reclaimed) chairs, are all natural, solid not laminate, unadorned un-painted real waxed wood.

In my sitting room is a large chunk of curlicued oak, which in my fancy assumes the form of a winged sea dragon rising up amongst crashing waves, but in reality was reclaimed from an ancient oak tree being felled in the grounds of Bradgate Park Leicestershire
http://www.le.ac.uk/




Bradgate Hall is now a ruin in Bradgate Park. It was the childhood home of Lady Jane Grey (1537-1554).

She was the daughter of the Marquess of Dorset, who through the machinations of others, at just 16 was Queen for nine days, before being beheaded.

From the website http://www.treesforlife.org.uk/ :
In Leicestershire the Topless Oaks in Bradgate Park were said to have been pollarded as a sign of mourning following the beheading in 1554 of Lady Jane Grey.




TIME TO TAG

This is entirely optional, and open to evolving, so if you have not already been tagged on this lovely Meme, and have visited, lurked, or commented on my blog, I would be delighted if you would tag yourself for this Meme, and comment below that you are doing so, so we can visit you and read 8 Random Facts about You.


POSTSCRIPT: EVOLVED MEME ~
A TIRED PERSON'S RECEIPT FOR BEEF RAGU

Wonderously over at Andrea's blog http://qw88nb88.wordpress.com/2007/07/17/meme-mut8nt-r4/ the original Meme of 8 Random Facts evolved into recipes so I am following this second route of the Meme.

Preparation of this receipt may take all day, or a much shorter time if you don't need the rests and lie downs. All quantities may be doubled without increasing the cooking time. You will need a large lidded saute pan, or a lidded stock pot if you are doubling the quantities and your family/friends/freezer can accommodate it. Minor details familiar to regular cooks are included for the times when physical fatigue results in brain fatigue.

SHOPPING: One or two days beforehand. For 6 portions.
1. 500 grams lean minced beef
2. 1 onion
3. 3 large carrots
4. 3 large sticks of celery
5. 3 cloves of garlic, or 2 cloves if it is fresh garlic dug by someone else
6. 200 ml (7 fl oz) beef stock in a tub prepared by someone else
7. 200 grams closed cup mushrooms
8. 1 large aubergine (eggplant)
9. 400 gram tin of plum tomatoes in own juice
10. tube of tomato puree
11. 3 bay leaves dried, or fresh from your own tree (envy)
12. 2 tablespoons dried mixed herbs, such as sage, thyme, parsley, rosemary.
13. 1 tablespoon Lea & Perrins Worcestershire (wuster) sauce, a brewed condiment including tamarind and anchovies, which you cannot distinguish in the wuster browness, but is very interesting to read when you need to sit down and have a rest.

ONE THE DAY:
Choose a day when you can spend all day doing it, in between rests. Suitable times when you can safely leave the preparation in order to rest are indicated. Otherwise preparation time is about twenty minutes and cooking time two hours. For double quantities, cooling time (for the pot) half an hour off the heat, rest, and ten minutes to ladle into freezable containers, where they can stay cooling while you rest, before storing them.

IMPLEMENTS:
1. The pot as above, and the usual things, such as: chopping board, colander, knives, measuring spoons, wooden stirring spoon, ladle, plates, cling film, bowls, recycling bucket for the vegetable waste.
2. Also, if you need it, a Perching Stool by the stove, from social services equipment store, if you are still waiting for the indoor wheelchair.
3. An office type upholstered chair with arms and wheels, so you can zoom between the preparation table and the sink, if you are still waiting for the indoor wheelchair.
4. For longer rests, a reclining chair, and the bed for longer lie downs.

PREPARATION: This is written in great detail on a good day, as a reminder for me on how to do it, for those brain be-fogged days when I am stumped.

1. An hour or so before you begin, take the meat out of the fridge, so that the coldness of the pack doesn't hurt your hands when you next handle it. Get out the vegetable waste bucket and put it next to preparation area. Put all the ingredients together within reach. Rest. When you are ready ...
2. Chop the onion finely, put half on a small plate, cover with clingfilm, discard the other half, or freeze it if you must.
3. With a knife, prise out three cloves from the garlic bulb, trim off the dry outer layers, finely chop the cloves, add to the onion plate, recover with clingfilm. Rest.
4. Peel, top and tail, and chop the carrot into large chunks, put on a large plate, cover.
5. Wash, top and tail the celery, slice lengthwise then chop into large chucks, add to plate. Rest.
6. Wash or wipe the mushrooms, chop coarsely. Put on another plate and cover.
7. Wipe the aubergine, slice in half lengthways, coarsely chop, add to plate and cover. Rest.
8. Open the tin of tomatoes put into a bowl and cut up the whole plum tomatoes, cover. Wash out the tin, remove the soggy paper label, correction, remove the label, wash the tin, crush and recycle.
9. Take the tomato puree tube out of the package, recycle package.
10. Rest, long or short.

COOKING:
1. Heat the pot, put the meat in, break up the block, season with salt and pepper and brown all over. Transfer meat and juices to a plate.
2. Open the tub of beef stock.
3. To the pot add the onion, garlic, carrot and celery together with a little of the stock, heat gently for 5 minutes to soften, stirring. You may choose to rest now, as the next stage needs attention from No. 4 through to No. 9. If you aim to rest at this stage, turn off heat, remove pot from heat, leave with lid on. Just for a short rest... then,
4. Add the meat and juices to the pot, stir.
5. Add the mushrooms, aubergine, tomatoes and 2 tablespoons tomato puree, stir.
6. Add the bay leaves, 2 teaspoons mixed herbs, 1 tablespoon Wuster sauce, stir. Don't bother to use energy to wipe up spills at this stage. Don't rest yet.
7. Add the rest of the beef stock and stir. The liquid should just cover the ingredients, not so that they are floating around. If more liquid is required, use hot water with a little tomato puree. Put on the lid.
8. Turn up the heat and bring to boil, stirring occasionally, then turn down to a very gentle heat to simmer with lid on. Leave to cook for one hour. You will be able to rest soon.
9. It is worth wiping up spills now, if no-one else is around to do it.
10. Set the kitchen timer for one hour. Rest. If bed rest is required, also set the bed side alarm clock for 55 minutes (or shorter, depending on the time taken to get to your bed). Relax.
11. After the first hour cooking, stir the pot and check nothing sticking to the bottom of the pan. The liquid should be reducing and thickening.
12. Set the timer for the next hour, and rest, as above.
13. After the full cooking time, remove pot from heat and leave to cool. Someone will have to do the clearing up now. Hopefully not you.
14. If you can't face doing anything else except eat it, leave the rest in the fridge for up to two days. Serve with either tagliatelle, baked potatoes or mash, or your low carb alternative, and green vegetables.
15. If double quantities, ladle into freezable containers, leave until cold, then freeze.
16. Tell yourself: Well Done !

Thanks Andrea for the mutated Meme.

Village Life

I mentioned the formidable Giant located in Cerne Abbas village, in my reference to the Elusive Dorset Dragon http://lifeintheshire.blogspot.com/2007/01/elusive-dorset-dragon.html, although I did not post a picture of the incoming masculine symbolism that took over from the time of Feminine Powers, as it was copyright, although I did give the link to Pete Harlow's photographs at http://www.catnip.co.uk/cerne (Why, why doesn't the Edit Html tab work?)

I was watching Marge Simpson only last evening being seduced by a bowling coach, so you see I am a fan, but really, Homer's do'nut (doughnut?) is not the guaranteed fertility site for rumpy-pumpy as the Cerne Abbas Giant's ..... is. And I have it on good authority, from two sources, that it worked.

Homer, you have a lot to live up to.

For the full story follow this clunky link: (deleted)

I apologise for that link, anyone who may have been shocked. It seems the Independent site got hijacked. Instead, go to http://www.independent.co.uk/ (edited later, thanks Goldfish!) and see the story headlined Fertility Wars.

Enjoy.

POSTSCRIPT: The excellent local weekly free Blackmore Vale Magazine http://www.blackmorevalemagazine.co.uk/ informs that Homer arrived in Dorset courtesy of painter Peter Stuart, and yes it was a commercial stunt.

Yea Who Dance Not, Know Not What We Are Knowing

Rayon de soleil - Louis Janmot (1814-1892)

http://www.french-art.com/

Beethoven's Ninth Symphony on the telly, starting the BBC Proms season from the Albert Hall.

Ode to Joy: "...whoever has been lucky enough to be a friend to a friend ..."

In the choir, singing it ten years ago; Alexander in the audience at The Lighthouse in Poole. Rest Peacefully Alex.

On the television; from a camera on stage, shots of the audience at the Albert Hall, brought it back to me, when I was there, amongst many others, looking out over the audience from centre front of stage, singing Hector Berlioz's Grande Messe des Morts, a few weeks after the marriage ended, almost two decades ago.

Not singing in choirs now, nor circle dancing, but Joining in the Dance again ... reading blogs:

Follow this link to http://stanmorehill.blogspot.com/ where FSJL writes:

"... the shadow is as needed as the light ..."

a true reminder for those times when the dark shadows seem all there is.

Also:

"...a rule that's not enforced is not a rule

just paperwork that aims to please the eye."

which I will take along with me and quote at the next local NHS Primary Care Trust's strategy consultation workshop.

From 'The Truest Warning':

"... the world's a better place

for those who dare

we see the rules and know

they are not fair."

Which neatly sums up my feelings about the blasted IB50 Incapacity for Work form sat staring at me now.

Thank you FSJL, a right royal poet, whose writings are as constant as the tides.

My post title is taken from another great choral work, Gustav Holst's Hymn of Jesus. Holst's words are from the Apocryphal Acts of St John which he translated from the original Greek. Powerful words, sufficiently mystical to be capable of carrying a personal meaning for one's Self. More information and the full text from the website of that great institution The Halifax Choral Society www.halifaxchoralsociety.co.uk/hymnofjesus.html (The Edit Html tab is dead.)

Singing and Dancing were my great loves in another life, now I read and write, and blog.

And sing along with the telly.

Join in the Dance

Miss Moppet - Beatrix Potter
from The Project Gutenberg EBook

http://www.gutenburg.org/

Rather than add another postscript to the post below, I begin another post on a postive note, inspired by Dave Hingsburger over at http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/ Chewing the Fat.

(Now I have a bit of a tech problem here; clicking on the 'edit Html' tab does not work, ever. So forgive the clunky lack of proper links. Yesterday I thought it was me, today its got to be them.)

Synchronistically, Dave writes in his 10 July post JIG: " ... One of our problems, I believe, is that we are always two much intimidated by what's yet to be done, what's got to be done, what's on the agenda to be done - that we are so crushed by future battles that we don't celebrate present victories. So, I'm celebrating." (By doing a Jig, but we didn't get to see that.)

So, so true, so here's a celebration of good news on one aspect of life that was contributing to my 'crash' blogged on my last post - I will soon be able to wave at my WAV.

I was right to sit tight with fingers crossed. The company converting the veedub into a wheelchair accessible vehicle, have re-thunked, following Motability's refusal to pay more, and come up with a face saving reason to go back to the specification we agreed last October that Motability did approve, which I am happy with.

Result.

Although one has to be realistic when one is celebrating ... driving back from the library with a copy of Miss Potter dvd, a stone flew up and cracked the windscreen of my current leased WAV. That is another thing to sort out. But at least I do have a vehicle and independence and can sort it out.

For all the encouragement at 'Chewing the Fat' to celebrate victories won, I am not going to attempt to dance a jig - that would be tempting fate, and completely destroy the image of this crip that I am describing in the IB50 postscripted below.

A bit of a 'crash'

Not a vehicle crash, just a physical/mental/emotional/psychological 'crash' ... crashed out, caved in; the need for a 'duvet day' turning into a month of wanting to hide under the covers; 'crashing' like a computer crash when there is just too much coming from too many different directions, some of it not that different from a computer crash from incoming malicious software. As my laptop did last week.

Crashing - as we do, those of us struggling with health problems on top of struggling with the system; whatever system it is, in whichever country we are in. None of the sources of my crash are malicious in intent; just life.

Regular readers will know of Social services delays to disabled facilities and adaptations. For five years. My resulting physical exhaustion leading to falls and damage to me and equipment. And fear of falling. And fear of breakdown. I CAN COPE I keep telling myself, I am ok, I can do this. Except it goes on for too long and too many things keep happening and, alone, I feel fear and anxiety that I may not survive it. For I know that: "Fear of breakdown is fear of the breakdown that was." (Reference: Boundary and Space D. W. Winnicott page 192.) More on that below*.

Many things happening that have to be dealt with, so systemic steroid injections to suppress disease activity and release me from the brain fog that is the result of the increased disease activity which is the result of the stressful situations I am in, always remembering that stress triggered Lupus ten years ago and medical advice is to avoid all sources of stress. Yes please, that would be good.

At last, a visit from the Local Government Ombudsman Investigator to examine my files on Dorset Social Services delays -Excellent. Exhausting. Now wait and see.

A resulting return of the fear and anxiety attendant to my preparation for the Employment Tribunal (against local government employer) ten years ago. Almost to the day. Same process, different type of investigation. Same fear (fear of breakdown that was). Will I be believed. Will the local authority's big guns and solicitors run rings round me. Fear of physical breakdown. Employment Tribunal process over a six month period, ten years ago, broke my health and triggered Lupus.

Meanwhile social services front line staff on the alert (as the LGO Investigator informed the County Council solicitor) so social services front line staff and team leaders are firing off letters to me, which are designed to show them in the best possible light and me as a problem service user, and all have to be answered, very carefully, to protect myself.

Using laptop on lap (no wheelchair accessible desk, no space for wheelchair or desk until adaptations in place) causes a return of severe pain in joints and soft tissues. But I have to do it because there is no one who can do it for me, no advocate or agency with the knowledge or training. Even after I have achieved my necessary facilities, there needs to be change in all social services for other people out there, who do not know their rights, who put up with delays and decisions that disable them from social inclusion and a family life. I know. Really, I know. There would be more official complaints if more people were informed on their rights by independent advocates, and supported by professional advocates to enter in the Formal Complaints procedure. Not all areas of the country have access to a Disability Law Centre. Certainly not in Dorset.

And another thing ! .... After years of distance my Mother, hundreds of miles away in the North, is wanting contact, which thanks to years of psychodynamic counselling I can now cope with without harm to me or mine. This recent change in her (and probably me as well) is weird so I am planning a visit to her, while we are both alive to do it, as she is very aged and frail and I have not been able to travel to her since ill health began in 1998. Now possible with the expected new WAV and a PA. So I am now researching (from the Disability Rights Handbook http://www.disabilityalliance.org/ ) and writing a Community Care Grant application for petrol costs and self catering accommodation, for me and my Personal Assistant and my wheelchair, as I cannot do it without her, or it. And I have had to book the last accessible self catering cabin in the neighbouring forest and pay up front to secure it without knowing if I will get the grant, so not looking forward to the next bank statement.

This visit to my mother is entirely dependent on a new and different Wheelchair Accessible Vehicle, which will not have the current vehicle's noisy wheelchair tie down system, so I can contemplate a long journey. But this too is now a problem and source of Lupus exacerbating stress. The new WAV via Motability from vehicle converting company B has been blogged about before (18 March 07 sorry link not here). The expected new WAV is the result of application to Motability last October (nine months ago) based on advice from the vehicle converting company B, witnessed by PA and photographed by me to send to Motability with application. The new WAV was due for delivery May 31st. Panic by B ... what they said in October would be workable by me in my disabilities, at end of June they said would not work, but need extra bits costing another £X00. Motability declined to pay. B pressuring me to pay. I don't have £X00. B saying it is my fault, my misunderstanding, my responsibility. Stalemate. I can do nothing but wait (anxiously) for them to accept that I cannot pay, Motability won't pay so they will have to fund it themselves. After three difficult telephone conversations with my contact at B I know he is determined not to admit his error, despite my witness and photographs and to discredit and blame me. I just have to sit tight with fingers crossed and wait for him to accept responsibility.

~~~~~

*Fear of Breakdown ... Fear of Breakdown that was:
In my psychodynamic counsellor training and training analysis, I learned that I have been blamed by my parents for all their problems since I was six months old, when my father had his first psychotic episode**. Living with that left a lasting shadow on my adult life. Charles Dawson http://www.charlesdawson.blogspot.com/ blogged on this form of abuse. My parents saw me, and treated me, as the source of my father's psychotic episodes. If they could control me and control my actions and my words, they could control their lives. I experienced the first breakdown in the holding environment when I was six months old. I left home at 17 in order to survive. Later, being married took me out of my father's dominion; being divorced risked being sucked back in. Defences had to mounted. I am now well armoured. There are chinks in the armour. Whenever some authority figure; be it a service provider, or a national organisation, attacks me I have to mount a defence that recognises the fear I feel from childhood, but responds appropriately as a capable, (although knackered), intelligent and informed adult.
(** Post-Postscript: In case I am misunderstood, let it be known that it was not my father's psychotic episodes, from his bi-polar disorder, that left a shadow on my life, but the way my parents projected their discomfort onto me; as the cause of his illness, and blamed and controlled me as their way of not accepting his medical condition.)
~~~~~

Blogging is one of my defences against the dark powers; the psychological shadows, the bureaucratic local authorities. Connecting with other bloggers is another defence; bloggers who have experience of this, in their professional lives and/or in their ill health, this being disabled by the system, by society, by the brick walls of budget cuts and bureaucracy. Recent negative waves experienced in my corner of the blogosphere did not help and the loss of a blogging friend of intelligence, wit, knowledge and experience was keenly felt.

Thank you to those who remain, and thank you for those who continue to connect, who continue to fight the good fight. During all this down time I have been aware that your lives and blogs are testament to a good fight, worth fighting for.

POSTSCRIPT ... the morning after ...
In the post today, Form IB50 - yes, the dreaded IB50 which I thought, foolishly, I was immune to - 'Incapacity for work questionnaire'. Why did I think I was immune ? Because they have not sent me one for a decade. I do not have the capacity to comply with this form's requirements. If I do this, it will take up available energy this week, when I should be answering social service's letters from two weeks ago, before I answer their letters from last week, then fill out the community care grant form, and write to the Warm Front Scheme about their contractor's disabling attitude and refusal to meet my disability needs (no I didn't bother to blog that one), and on and on and on ...